does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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