Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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