I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
