I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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