My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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