I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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