Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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