I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
