even my farts smell like vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
