I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
