Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you win again, gameday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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