Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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