I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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