Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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