The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
