the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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