I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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