I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
