So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
