So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
