i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
