OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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