Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
