end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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