We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
