I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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