I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
