It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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