Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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