her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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