the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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