I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
