She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
