Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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