What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
