I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
COCAINE IS GR8
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
