someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
