he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
