I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
