One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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