I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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