Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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