i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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