just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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