she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
