I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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