Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
