There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
