too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
