I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Welp...herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nutella sex= disaster
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
