i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
