I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is Oprah even human
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
