i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We have so much sex to catch up on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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