i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You're like the curious george of whores
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
