don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
